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Caught short
29 July 2008 12:57 Post ID: #201270 - in reply to #43462
MOhican
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Then there's a female friend of mine who shall remain nameless for reasons that will become obvious.

She has 2 dogs which she loves and adores, much more than her old man I guess.

One night, when he was away, she went to bed and the pesky mutts went with her. Like some dogs do they both snuggled down under the duvet with her. No this lady had a bit of a dicky tummy and suddenly felt the urge to fart - with the soon to be unfortunate dogs by her rear end.

The fart turned out to be a violent and runny poo which splattered both dogs.

A lot of cleaning up yes.

But the unfortunate side effect is that to this day she only has to point her arse at both those dogs and they leg it.
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18 June 2010 13:16 Post ID: #567110 - in reply to #43462
Supreme MO
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I shall s.hit myself if Rob Green's in goal later!!!
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17 August 2010 14:00 Post ID: #595754 - in reply to #43462
20002000252525
About 5 years ago, on my way back from a football match, had a shocker and lost 7-1 if I remember rightly, when suddenly my belly is rumbling, even had a turtle head. Was biking it back then, drove as fast as I could and couldnt find my keys which caused more discomfort! Get in my house, got a few family members in my house round for a roast as it was Sunday. Well anyway in the toilet and I couldnt undo the knot on my football shorts, I was in fucking agony, i was literally crying while fighting with the knot, on the floor in a ball, I couldnt hold it anymore and I just let rip, about 3 logs just flopped into my pants, all stuck to my arse etc. The relief was brilliant. Had a shower then bath. Put the shorts behind the toilet while I went and got dressed. Didnt know what to do with the shorts because I was so embarrassed I decided to throw my soggy pants and shorts along with em on the roof. Well 2 weeks later my neighbour is getting their turkish satellite installed when they find shit shorts on their roof, tried to play it down when my mates older brother asked me, they all kept laughing thinking surely they don't have proof it was me. Silly cunt that I was.. I used to always wear Millwall Shorts to my football matchesbecause they were the same colour as my kit and a sign of good luck. Well as you can see, who else supported Millwall in my area? I just crumbled under pressure and didnt go out for about 2 weeks.

Got ripped for ages after that.

Edited by ryanthelion 17/8/2010 14:30
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31 August 2010 08:16 Post ID: #604435 - in reply to #43462
Dopey MO
0
Hello dear all,



This is Lilly Michelle and i am newbie to this forum. I am interested to watch football game. I like this forum very well. Thank you very much.

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13 May 2011 13:32 Post ID: #1003836 - in reply to #604435
Andover_Lion
Must be time for an update.
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07 June 2011 14:15 Post ID: #1013695 - in reply to #43462
MOnster
500050005000500100100100
I've got an addition to this thread.

On Saturday I was in Glasgow collecting my girlfriend who has now moved down to Bristol to live with me. We went out with her mates as a farewell event to have a few drinks. I'd had just the 3 pints before we went for a burger at a reputable burger bar before moving on to my mates house which was but a 10 minute walk away.
Half way there and I get low grumble in my stomach and the instantaneous urge to take a slippery dump. I begin to walk ahead of my bird and her mates as I know our car is 2 minutes away. She asks why I'm running ahead and not walking with them which I manage to fob off. I then cross the road towards the car wondering how I'm going to deal with the increasing strain. I rummage around in the boot and find 3 dish towels that my gran had donated to me earlier in the day. I then looked about for a suitable location to drop one and find myself scampering over a wall and and into the Glasgow Botanical Gardens. I dropped my knickers and farted out a horrendous liquid before wiping my arse with said "present" of a dish towel.
I then had to find a way out of the Botanics back over this 8 foot wall. Having achieved this I catch up with my bird and her mates who are all asking me what I was doing and what the big secret was. One even suggested I was collecting a ring from the motor to give to the missus.
I then took her aside and told her I'd had to jump the wall as my stomach wasn't feeling too good. She knew what was coming next so walked out the room in disgust.

First time I've been forced to take a shit outside in many a year and hopefully it won't have to be repeated any time soon.

Here is the exact location for those who are interested.

<iframe width="425" height="350" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=queen+margaret+drive+glasgow&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Queen+Margaret+Dr,+Glasgow+G20,+United+Kingdom&gl=uk&ll=55.882495,-4.282884&spn=0,0.045362&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=55.879126,-4.287203&panoid=DDlboiaZ_kzh3RQM0agjqg&cbp=12,334.6,,0,3.32&source=embed&output=svembed">
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13 June 2011 13:18 Post ID: #1015999 - in reply to #1013695
Andover_Lion


Granny's dish towels.... you're a disgrace.
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