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Caught short
28 July 2008 15:20 Post ID: #200709 - in reply to #43462
GeroniMO
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In town after work on a friday night, had several pints in different establishments, nothing to eat except some crisps.

As the party broke up I headed towards traflagar square for a bus home, with that growing feeling of needing a toilet soon, but I've held out a million times before and tonight would be no different, or so I thought!

I had to change at Camberwell green and thats where my problems started, there were no buses to be seen. I starting walking, strangely straight past a cab office! But before I had got past Kings College Hospital doing a better and better impression of one of John Cleeves Ministry of Silly Walks, a bus came along and I managed to run to the stop to get it! The run had done me no favours, the really light and gaseous dump was determined to escape it colonic prison, immediately!

The bus took forever to get to Lordship lane and finally my stop. My house was at the top of the street and I was in sight of relief. The chit made one more desperate lunge for freedom, but my guards held firm.

Key was in the lock, bugger the top lock was on, unlocked it, try the yale again, in the door, up the stairs, no time to turn the light on or close the door, dropped my pants and sat down just as the avalanche began!

But something was wrong, oh no the bloody lid was down! There was chit everywhere and standing up to the lift the lid didn't help contain the spread!

Needless to say, I was in right state and it took forever to clean up and my trousers and shoes were covered in it!

Edited by TheOneAndOnlyGazza 28/7/2008 15:30
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28 July 2008 15:20 Post ID: #200710 - in reply to #200703
Supreme MO
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I've dribbled before, but not turned it on like a tap. Holding that sort of stuff in is arguably the most painful thing known to man.

More than a kick in the nuts.


Tiger, it's not big and it's not clever - once it is on it's way though there is no stopping it
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28 July 2008 15:27 Post ID: #200716 - in reply to #200709
Andover_Lion
TheOneAndOnlyGazza - 28/7/2008 15:20

But something was wrong, oh no the bloody lid was down! There was chit everywhere and standing up to the lift the lid didn't help contain the spread!


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28 July 2008 15:30 Post ID: #200718 - in reply to #200709
MOnster
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TheOneAndOnlyGazza - 28/7/2008 15:20

But something was wrong, oh no the bloody lid was down! There was chit everywhere and standing up to the lift the lid didn't help contain the spread!

Needless to say, I was in right state and it took forever to clean up and my trousers and shoes were covered in it!




Hahahahaha.. you poor sod! That's truly filthy!
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28 July 2008 15:33 Post ID: #200722 - in reply to #200710
MOnster
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kinelloz - 28/7/2008 15:20

I've dribbled before, but not turned it on like a tap. Holding that sort of stuff in is arguably the most painful thing known to man.

More than a kick in the nuts.


Tiger, it's not big and it's not clever - once it is on it's way though there is no stopping it


Indeed. It's the same muscle to stop you from cumming. Same principle. If you're cumming, you ain't gonna stop mid-bolt.
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28 July 2008 16:06 Post ID: #200746 - in reply to #43462
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I was about 19 and was off to a party where a girl I'd fancied for ages was going to be, she'd even told her mate to tell me she was going to be there, So I buffed and sprayed and put on my best pants thinking my luck was in , all the time ignoring the low rumble in my stomach, after about 10 minutes at the party she arrived looking fcking fit but by this time I'm bending over double wanting a chit, bolted up the stairs , a mile long queue nothing for it I decide it's gotta go somewhere so head for the garden, waving to the girl on the way and arrive behind the shed just in time, surrounded by stinging nettles I've got to use my pants for paper, job done and I come round from the shed just in time to see the girl walking towards me but looking straight past........ at my dirty pulling pants hanging from the bush that I'd tried to throw them over..

I left shortly after.
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28 July 2008 16:13 Post ID: #200748 - in reply to #200746
Andover_Lion
matt-the-lion - 28/7/2008 16:06

I come round from the shed just in time to see the girl walking towards me but looking straight past........ at my dirty pulling pants hanging from the bush that I'd tried to throw them over..

I left shortly after.


I can't take anymore, my sides hurt.
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28 July 2008 16:14 Post ID: #200749 - in reply to #200746
Supreme MO
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With or without her Matt

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28 July 2008 16:19 Post ID: #200751 - in reply to #43462
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What do you think Kinelloz ?

Funny thing was i went out with one of her mates soon after and would dread bumpimg into her, thinking she surely said something but she must've been as embarrassed as I was.
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28 July 2008 16:29 Post ID: #200760 - in reply to #200746
Andover_Lion
matt-the-lion - 28/7/2008 16:06

I come round from the shed just in time to see the girl walking towards me but looking straight past........ at my dirty pulling pants hanging from the bush that I'd tried to throw them over..

I left shortly after.


Matt, was there a prolonged silence as you both looked at the pants, where time almost stood still? And what colour were they?

Edited by Andover_Lion 28/7/2008 16:30
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28 July 2008 16:34 Post ID: #200769 - in reply to #43462
Sea MOnster
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It's not exactly the same theme but, I had a bloke this morning sitting opposite on the train to Cannon Street ,discussing with his mate , in vivid detail his haemorroid operation and how he could go to the loo for four days and when he did the pain and eventual relief was an experience he'd never had before. Did'nt know if to laugh or squirm . I've got a pretty strrong stomach and such things don't bother me , but, I could see his friend could have done without the gory details
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28 July 2008 16:39 Post ID: #200776 - in reply to #43462
MOnster
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This really is a chit thread
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28 July 2008 16:40 Post ID: #200780 - in reply to #200760
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As I remember it she looked at the pants then at me I looked at the pants tried to think of a way to bluff it, failed and just mumbled something like "you look nice" she smiled that sort of nervous, disgusted smile a girl gives you when you suggest a threesome with her mum.

what colour were the pants? brown of course why what colours your chit?

Matt, was there a prolonged silence as you both looked at the pants, where time almost stood still? And what colour were they?
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28 July 2008 16:42 Post ID: #200782 - in reply to #200780
Supreme MO
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Quality Matt - the vision of some poor 19 year old bird standing there watching your chit stained pants dangling from the tree is priceless
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28 July 2008 16:44 Post ID: #200785 - in reply to #43462
MOnster
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I am also visualising Matt struggling not to rub his arse where it got stung - Standing there looking embarrassed, slightly lecherous and rubbing his cheeks. Bet she nearly shat herself.
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29 July 2008 11:16 Post ID: #201212 - in reply to #43462
gizMO
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This has got to be one of the funniest threads I've read.
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29 July 2008 12:52 Post ID: #201264 - in reply to #43462
MOhican
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Mine is an heroic tale of holding on.

I swear it's true.

Was working i n Amsterdam some years ago and went down to breakfast at 8 in the morning. All of a sudden I was in dire need of a very large crap, but just as I was about to go to my room my boss said we need to go to the Rai (exhibition centre) now as he had an early meet. Okay I thought I'll have one when I'm there.

I swear to you each time I went to the bogs the traps were all full. Spent most of the day walking up and down to them in between seeing customers and clenching my bum cheeks.

6 o' clock when it closed I was dragged to a bar over the road with these Dutch customers where I had drinks and nibbles. By this time I'm bursting but cannot get into the bog. Then they insist on taking us to a Chinese resturant a few miles out side Amsterdam - again no bog I could use - this time it was out of order.

I ate a big chinese meal and we were there almost 3 hours.

We then drove back to Amsterdam and every time we went over a bump in the road I expected to chit myself.

I finally got back to my hotel room just after 12 midnight - a full 16 hours after first wanting the bog.

This one was, without a shadow of a doubt, the finest crap I have ever experienced in my life.

Never do I expect to have one better.
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